Monthly Archives: October 2012
I recently downloaded a book for my Android Kindle App called Hippie Witch: Magical Life by Tori Douglas and was so very impressed with how she lives her life. At the time I downloaded it, it was free. It is now $2.99, but it’s a price I feel is well worth it.
This book is another blogger gone published, and I have to say, even when I’m impressed with the blog itself or the blogger in particular, I don’t usually run out to buy a book if they publish one and I’ve never done a book review on any of my blogs. In this case, I found the book first, which lead me to the blogger instead of the other way around.
While this post won’t be a review either, I had to give credit to my inspiration for it. If you’re interested in looking up her blog, you can find her here.
What I would like to talk about is the impact her book had on me personally and why.
As you know if you follow the Fairy Phases fan page on Facebook, Draco and I recently (about 3 weeks ago) moved about 2-1/2 hours away from where we’ve lived the majority of our 16 years together.
It was where I was raised and have lived all but about 2 years of my life. It’s where the kids are, it’s where what’s left of my family is (other than my brother). Other than the 2 years I spent up north when I was in my early 20’s, it’s where I’ve always lived.
Leaving was such a mix of emotions. I was excited and glad to not have to be apart from Draco all the time, but leaving where you’ve lived over 30 years is hard. Since Mom died in June, though, my conviction to get away has been stronger than it’s ever been. I knew I had to go no matter how hard it was.
Moving has been a good thing in spite of my initial feelings and bouts with being homesick. We moved into the house we want to grow old in last week and I can’t remember when I’ve been happier or felt such peace.
Knowing we were totally on or own with no help has really put things into perspective as well and life has gotten really simple, really fast.
Most of our possessions, including the majority of our decorations and magickal supplies were put into storage and left behind and that added to the initial feelings of being severed from everything. I found myself thinking things like “how can I practice my religion without my things?” And “I don’t have half my stuff here, I can’t even cast a proper spell!”
After about the first week and a half, I began to remind myself that in the beginning, I had no tools other than myself. I didn’t run out on a magickal shopping spree either.
So, I told myself, we’re back to basics. We can do this.
I began to remember my earliest magickal training. The books I’d read that had warned about getting so caught up in the process and trappings that you didn’t live magickally. I remember thinking, as a young woman of 19 and new to pagan religions, that it would never happen to me.
Guess what I realized? It had happened to me.
When I first started as a Wiccan and Paganism was something I didn’t really know how to do, I went with my instincts and I stared out incorporating what I was learning into my day-to-day life, especially in my cooking and housekeeping. I used to make my own floor wash from orange peels to cleanse negativity out of the house each time I mopped the floor and when I cooked, I used herb associations, burned incense, listened to music and drank wine.
What happened to the witch that chanted to herself when she swept? That only stirred food clockwise unless there was something to banish?
What happened to sitting outside with nature without a phone in my face?
Where did my habit of saying good morning to the sun and goodnight to the moon go?
It was then that I realized that those were the things that had brought spirituality into my everyday life. I was no longer experiencing spirituality, I was simply practicing a religion; akin to going to church on Sunday simply out of habit and spending more time considering lunch options than listening to the sermon.
I knew it had to change, but 19 was a lot of years ago and the BOS (Book of Shadows) that held all that gathered information was long gone. I found myself frustrated and stumbling more than starting.
Out of frustration, I sat down with my Kindle App and determined to do what I’d done in the beginning. Read.
I’m a fan of Pagan ebooks For Free on Facebook, and I remembered downloading a ton of books on Tarot, herbs, gems and even healing, but wasn’t certain if there were any regular pagan books or not.
I started and stopped probably half a dozen books and had almost given up on finding the inspiration I needed to get back on track when I saw the title Hippie Witch in my archives. I immediately pulled it up and began reading and didn’t stop till I finished the book. I was truly disappointed when it was over and immediately craved more.
I remembered seeing something about her being a blogger and wondered if her blog was still up and active (so many pagan blogs sit neglected these days). I quickly sought out her blog and was thrilled to see a very recent post. I immediately became her
cyber- stalker newest follower and have followed her on Facebook and Twitter as well.
Her book is all about bringing the simplicity back to her craft. How she incorporates it into daily life and she also offers some very good information.
She doesn’t know it yet, but she became the inspiration I needed to find myself and my path once again. For that, I can’t express enough gratitude.
So, I am now on a voracious quest for knowledge. I am re-teaching myself and it is a beautiful thing, especially when the classroom looks like this,
How awesome is that?
This week while Draco is at work, Dutchess and I are going to spend some time in the graveyard at the end of the street honoring the dead for Samhain.
I may not know where this path is going to lead me this time, but I’m determined to enjoy the view!
Oh, and it looks like that writer’s block problem was a spiritual thing, cause, baby, I’m back!
)O( BB )O(
Today has been an interesting day so far. Not all good, but mostly good.
For starters, one of my new friend’s mother’s has gone to the hospital. Her health is not good as it is. I’m sitting by the phone today waiting to hear what’s happening with her. I’m sending out love, light and good energy to the recovery of her mom.
Second, a dear friend of mine had a spiritual experience today with my guidance. I will not give her identity, as that is hers to decide, but we had a very interesting conversation about totems this morning and I believe I helped her find hers and take one more step on a spiritual journey. It also further bonded our friendship and for that, I will always be grateful. You know who you are, Sister. All my love follows you on your journey, and I am always here if you need me.
Then, I get on Facebook and another very special person to me has busted the doors off the broom closet. She has come completely out and I’m so proud of her! I have known, almost as long as I have known her, that she was Pagan, I just wasn’t always certain she knew, and that is a destination that each person must reach on their own.
Over the years, she’s asked me questions about my own path, and I’m always willing to answer anyone that is curious. People who know me well know that I don’t believe in pushing my beliefs on others, but I’m always available to help anyone with enough curiosity and courage to ask. I’m so glad that she has finally found her way and I love her dearly, for a multitude of complicated reasons. If you’re reading this, Love, you know who you are as well.
Then, there is Mini-Me. She is learning possibly one of the hardest lessons of being an adult. She is learning about loosing and letting go. This is not easy for my little Virgo. She is often like a bull-dog on a bone when she sets her mind to something. She has been trying to hold on to something that has been gone for a long time and she just didn’t want to accept it. I know how that feels and I sympathize with her. I know how hard this lesson can be, and how painful. Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you have to let them go. Sometimes they stay in your life in another aspect, but often, they don’t. My heart is with her as she faces this hard lesson.
So, as you can see, it’s been an active day. I thought about writing a post specifically on totems, but to be honest, I just don’t have the mental capacity to go into that much detail and research right now. My two main totems are pictured above. They are the strongest and most active in my life and they are complicated totems to have at times. Both are social and anti-social at the same time, which is how I’m feeling today myself. For now, I think I will go be alone with my thoughts.
By now, pretty much everyone knows that Draco works out of town during the week. If you don’t know what it’s like to have your partner work out of town, then let me just say how horribly it sucks. Especially when things aren’t going well in life at home.
I posted a good bit about us moving to get back out on our own, as well as in an effort to help Mini-Me, who had been struggling.
We moved into her apartment that she was about to loose over the weekend, with the landlord’s consent, with the intention of helping her get straightened out and everything was fine. Until yesterday at lunch.
For some reason, her landlord decided to change his mind after we spent all weekend moving in and came up here yesterday trying to act like he didn’t know anything about it and said we all had to leave.
Even if I was inclined to not believe that Mini-Me asked him, which I know she did, the things he said let me know that he knew what was going on.
Either way, it’s our word against his and the courts here tend to side with landlords, not tenants.
I absolutely panicked after he left, had a full-blown anxiety attack and was left with a crippling headache. I never left the house or even made it out of my pajamas after that.
Draco thought he had a line on a 4 bedroom double wide that we’d tried to look at months ago, but by the end of the night, it didn’t sound very promising. I was depressed and despondent, not wanting to have to live with someone again when we’d just finally gotten back out on our own.
In an effort to calm and comfort me, Draco said how much he missed me and how he wished we were together and a new idea sprang to life.
Our lives here are loaded with stress. Always have been. We haven’t been able to make anything good happen here for a long time. We stayed because of Mini-Me.
We almost moved to Florida years ago to be closer to my sister of the heart, but in the end, Mini-Me didn’t want to go, so we stayed here, but Mini-Me is grown now.
Draco has decided that since his company had made a bid on the other half of this job, which will put him down there another 10 months anyway, that it’s time to relocate.
He likes it there. The beach is an hour away and he says it’s a nice town. It’s not Florida, but it is another two and a half hours closer than we are now.
I wanted Mini-Me to go, but when I told her last night, she refused. She’s decided to go stay with a friend instead.
I, on the other hand, will be getting a storage building and am storing all or stuff this weekend and will be heading out to make the drive to our new town.
To begin with, we’ll be staying in a hotel while we look for a more permanent situation. I’ve done it before. As long as I have Draco and Dutchess, I’ll be fine.
Today, I’m going after boxes to pack what was unpacked and then to the library so I can use my laptop to try to find us a hotel. Friday, everything will go in storage and Saturday, we should be heading out.
Wish me luck on my new adventure!