Making It Work
Not many people are aware of the reality Draco and I have been living. Most people don’t know all of our history, the things that have been said and done that no two people who truly love each other should have done.
Very few people know that while we still cared for one another and have continued to stay together, that our relationship lacked substance.
Fewer still are aware of how close we recently came to going our separate ways.
I have to admit that even though I knew I would always love Draco with all my heart, even I was on the verge of giving up. There has been something between us for years that neither of us could move past, each for different reasons.
I told Draco recently that I couldn’t live this way anymore. I needed closure of some sort, and so did he. We needed to move forward somehow. I was beyond caring how. I told him he had until the end of December to figure out what he wanted and to make something happen.
I have to be honest. I expected to start the new year heartbroken and alone.
I took him for a trip down memory lane, to the place it all began to go wrong, giving him the option of a different life. It was a gamble, and one I fully expected to loose. That was a few weeks ago now.
Last weekend, we spent the weekend at home. Just the two of us. It began quietly, neither of us saying much, but on Sunday, my world changed.
Draco had finally made a decision about what he wanted and I was shocked to find that it was me.
Sincere apologies were offered for things said and done years ago. We talked, really talked, for the first time in years. The beginnings of something new for us glimmered like an oasis in the desert. Hearts reopened to the possibility that we might not be done yet.
The last few days, I have been happier than ever. I’ve managed to loose weight without trying and can even see the difference in the mirror. Day to day struggles have seemed smaller than they used to be. Colors seem brighter, my “job” as a housewife seems more of a joy, knowing I’m taking care of a man that works hard every day to come home to me.
Draco seems happier too. There’s been real laughter this week as we’ve loved, played and acted silly to make each other laugh. He seems lighter when he comes home from work and has mentioned looking forward to the long weekend, eating lots of turkey and getting in lots of snuggles on the couch.
I’m happy to say that even my passion for sharing my life through my writing is returning, something I was beginning to fear I’d lost forever.
I’m in the process of changing the blog back to Phases of Me, where I actually got my real start blogging. I’m changing my blog identity to Raven Moon, and my style of writing may soon change to the voice I speak with in my mind instead of the voice my family told me was acceptable. These are things that have been pulling at me for some time now.
With Draco’s support and encouragement, I no longer feel the need to hide who I am from anyone. I know that, come what may, he loves and accepts me, and that’s all I ever really needed or wanted. The rest will find it’s way.
I hope that everyone considers the changes positive ones and chooses to stick around, but either way, I’ve got to be me.
Love and light,