Category Archives: Meditation

The Cards Speak 12/13/12

I’ve felt a pull to my cards all week but due to my anxiety, I’ve avoided them. In reflection, that was probably the opposite of what I should have done.

In any case, this morning, I pulled my basic 3-card spread that I use when reading for myself on a day-to-day basis.

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The cards I drew were The High Priest (also the Magician in some decks), Justice and the Page of Pentacles.

The High Priest speaks to new ideas and thoughts being revealed. Some of this card’s energy is already in play, I believe, although I can’t be certain it’s done. Over the last week or so, I’ve been nearly bombarded with new thoughts, new ideas, new ways of looking at things.

I’ve begun exploring again spiritually. Everything from Chakras to Feary Wicca to yoga. I also found a local UU Church that Draco and I plan to check out on Sunday.

There’s also been ideas and planning for the future passed between Draco and myself, but in the context of the other cards, I believe this reading is mainly referring to the spiritual.

My 2nd card was Justice. Although it can refer to justice in the mundane sense, it also speaks to balance. Balancing the scales between spiritual and mundane.

It’s no secret that my practice has fallen by the wayside, especially since my Mom’s health began its decline nearly 3 years ago. It wasn’t a lack of faith, or even a crisis of faith, so much as I know that whatever I could have attempted to do for her had to be with her consent, and she never would have given it to me.

I was afraid that with her health so fresh in my heart that there was no way for me to ask for anything that would not have been in an effort to help or heal her. I didn’t want anything to backfire and bring me bad karma or to interfere with whatever the Divine intended. So, I did nothing. Six months (to the day, in fact – she passed June 13th) after her passing, I’m finally turning back to my faith in an effort to heal myself, both physically and spiritually.

I believe it’s time for me to balance my life once more between the spiritual and mundane. In life, you can not live wholly in both, and live a balanced life. 3 years have been spent almost entirely in the mundane world. Now it’s time to reconnect spiritually.

The Page of Pentacles made me stop and ponder for a moment. It can refer to a child-like person, or a person holding a child-like job (such as taking care of someone’s dogs perhaps?), so I wondered if this was an identifying card, which I sometimes get in readings.

Or can also refer to a good turn in health and as I said, healing myself is more foremost in my mind right now.

The anxiety has been so incredibly bad this week, that I find myself hoping the cards are attempting to ease my mind and comfort me, letting me know that I’m thinking and moving in the right direction. That the decisions being made recently are sending us in the direction we’re meant to go.

Tarot reading is something I’ve felt pulled to since I learned what it was, and my cards are usually pretty accurate, but like Amy other form of divination, it’s all open to interpretation and an objective self-reading can be difficult sometimes.

So for now, I’m left with my interpretations and a glimmer of hope that better times and things are coming. I will continue in the direction I’m heading in the hopes that I’m right.

Blessings,
Raven Moon

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Freedom

I sit and stare at the wall, remembering what it felt like to feel imprisoned by invisible chains. My wrists still chafe from the friction of my bonds. A jailer with a black heart watching my suffering in silence.

Even now, my freedom seems surreal, even though my heart still bears the proof of scars to show that my debt has been paid.

A debt we created, but I never understood. A price left to me alone to pay. A price I’ve paid many nights over as I lay soaked in the sweat of my fears, useless tears streaming from eyes that could no longer see beyond the blackness of my prison.

My chest aches at the memory of nights spent curled on the floor beating my rage and helplessness with clenched fists, unable to move, afraid to breathe.

I pull myself from those memories, reminding myself that that life is no longer mine. Shaking myself like a rag doll to clear away the last of the visions burned into my heart.

I stand alone on the porch, eyes searching for the water just out of reach and have to pull myself back from the beating of yet more memories that found an end to the pain in those murky depths. The siren call of false freedom.

A raven calls in the distance and I know my Goddess is not yet done with me. I am reminded that service to my Goddess is never an easy path. I knew this years ago when I tried to deny Her call. She is well known for tearing down her followers to rebuild them in whatever way pleases Her.

The wind lifts my hair from my face as I unconsciously rub my writs, a habit I picked up somewhere over the years without realizing it. This time, I’m reminded of my freedom as my fingers glide over flesh, feeling for bonds that I could never touch but could feel with my heart.

In this moment, I find an imperfect perfection and I can feel the stirrings of wings upon my back. A raven circles and calls me to flight, offering another kind of freedom.

The first real smile in years lifts the corner of my mouth, transforming me into a semblance of someone I used to know. A reflection that rippled and changed until I didn’t know myself anymore now smooths and shows me with clarity how much the years have changed me.

As I look deeper, I see the woman life never gave me the chance to be standing side by side with the woman I became. As I watch, the surface shimmers again and the two women begin a dance like flames in a fire. Twisting and curling, bending into and out of each other, dancing away and then back.

I know that the Goddess is offering me a gift through the sight of the raven. This is my next challenge. No rest for the weary or the wicked, and I am both. I am to cross the distance between who I thought I was and who I am and make my peace with both so that my vision can dance into a single burning flame that flares in the darkness, lighting my way.

My last challenge was to walk alone in the darkness. This challenge will create the light that was lacking to illuminate my path. I know that this will be another long, hard road paved with sweat and sacrifice. My only tools are the lessons I have learned during my last ordeal and the visions the Goddess chooses to show me.

With a deep breath, I lift the hem of my skirts, cast a nod to the raven that swoops to light on my shoulder and take the first step on the path my Goddess had chosen for me.

*Author’s Note: I promised a few people recently that I would let my true voice be heard. This is it. This is me. These are the words that burn in my head begging for a release I’ve denied them.

Once I wrote a piece for the original PoM site about the ending of my first marriage. Anyone that read that piece might hear the similarity of the voice it was written in.

I am an almost morbid person and much of my writing is done from places of pain. Phoenix writing, if you will. My words often rise from the ashes of my soul.

At any rate, this is me, laid bare for the world to see.

Blessings,

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Mediation and Week in Review

It seems like I’ve been writing all week without really publishing anything.  I have weeks like that sometimes.  It seems like every time I sit down and try to put a post together, I have to get up and run off to do something and don’t make it back to the computer.

There were a few things that happened to me this week that I wanted to write about, like my experience at a UU church last Sunday, and my ride with my Dad Monday that turned out to be a family history lesson.  Some of the things Mini-Me is going through…
Now I find myself staring at the end of my week.  Draco comes home today and I can tell it’s going to be a crazy weekend.  I don’t know when or if I’ll have another chance to write before the beginning of next week.
I hope to be able to finish the posts I started on those other topics and maybe get them up over the weekend.
Today, I have other things in mind, though.
Even though I decided to make this a Pagan blog when I opened it, I find that I don’t actually write much about Pagan stuff.  This has been on my mind a good bit lately and I had to ask myself why.
There have been a few Pagan Meme’s I’ve run across, but I just skipped over them instead of writing anything.  For a while, I couldn’t put my finger on why, but after giving it some thought, I think I figured it out.
I know that although I have been Pagan for going on 20 years, I haven’t always been what you’d call a “practicing Pagan”.  I lived by the Rede and Rule of Three and have always had an altar set up, but that altar has largely sat and gathered dust.  I fell out of practice years ago and have only recently taken up my wand again.
I think I have feared sounding stupid, or saying something wrong.  I tend to forget that religion is a largely personal thing.  You can share the general idea with others, but what you get from it is intensely personal.  I can’t say that my experiences are right or wrong, or that someone else’s are either.  What I get from it, may not be what you get from it.  That’s one of the reasons I left main-stream religion.  I wasn’t getting the same thing from it others were, but there, you’re expected to.  In Paganism, it’s our differences that makes us unique and we are supposed to embrace those differences.
I admit that after so many years of being out of practice, I feel like a beginner all over again most days, so I’m going to share my journey here on my blog.
So, with that said, I’d like to discuss something new I’m learning.
The church we attend offers activities throughout the week and one of those is Meditation classes.  It caught my eye on the calendar recently and I’ve thought about going, but I hesitated.  I don’t know if it’s something they’re teaching, or something they expect you to have experience with before you go, and I don’t like to look silly, so when I saw a book on meditation (Living Healthy Through Meditation it’s still free today, by the way) for free through the Facebook page  Pagan eBooks for Free, I decided I had to download it.
I began reading it last night and even tried one of the basic techniques.
I’ve tried mediation in the past, and ended up disappointed.  I don’t know if I was doing it wrong or maybe if it was my ADD getting in the way, but I couldn’t seem to muster the ability to focus my attention, without focusing on anything.  I have a vivid imagination and a busy thought process and the whole “empty mind” thing was hard for me.
The techniques offered in this book are much better than some of the others I tried in the past and I was actually able to achieve a meditative state for a short time.  This may not sound like much, but for someone that’s been trying for almost 20 years without much in the way of results, it’s huge!
I woke up this morning feeling more grounded as well.  Grounding and centering have been my go-to’s for managing stress ever since I learned the techniques, but I felt grounded without the need to ground (if that makes sense).
I also found that I feel more in tune with nature this morning as well.  My stress level seems to have dropped noticeably, and my ability to focus this morning is better than normal.
If I can experience benefits like these from just a few minutes of meditation, I can’t wait to see how much I can achieve by being able to hold it longer!
I will try to remember to post occasional updates on my journey with mediation, but I really wanted to share this book with you.
Don’t worry about religious tones if you’re not Pagan.  This book is not religious that I’ve seen so far, it’s just good techniques for meditation that anyone can try!
Blessings!
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